Daydream

Her colour-cloaked fingers were dancing on the canvas much like the slenderest stems waving to the passing breeze. I gazed the sky through the small window trying to capture the dullness of the twilight. I was feeling the same numbness inside me. I turned back to her. She was still painting with her ever childish exuberance. I felt as if i have been standing there looking at her for three years. She is all the same since the day i saw her for the first time. The only change i could consciously figure out was her aging. The dimple on her chin, to me still seemed to add mystery to her features.

When i was done thinking about her, i sat down resting my head on the table. I did so whenever i felt like talking to myself. I used to murmur at times and didn't want anybody to notice it so i made it a habit to hide my face in my arms when i did so. As expected, i faced a sudden impulsive attack of memories bumping the head to enter my mind. I didn't want to let it happen but i knew i was no longer strong enough to mould my thoughts to my comfort. They had become an instinct and for me it was gradually becoming more difficult to conceal my feelings to her.

"May be she will understand," i said to myself,"but what if she doesn't?". I shivered with mere thought of spoiling her ecstatic mood. How could i tell her that...that i had fallen for her long ago and now i don't love her anymore. When i didn't reveal my feelings to her as long as i loved her, do i have any right to let her know that my love for her has faded away now. She never had the slightest estimate of my feelings for her and this had gradually turned my life into misery. But i could never tell her anything about it, the only reason to me being her unlikeness to the mediocrity of human emotions. Once she had told me that the most pleasing aspect of life to her was its uncertainties and how much she hated the bounds of relations that an average life fails to climb. I couldn't sustain my devotion to her for long and it blew over inadvertently. As soon as i realized the evanescing of my love for her, i felt i would get over my memories easily. But now i was yet more eager to account to her the transition of my feelings for her.

I stood up from the chair and went to her. Her painting neared completion. I looked at it profoundly for a moment. There was a wide landscape with a damsel dancing on the field holding a garland of flowers and looking at the sky where a devil appeared among the clouds.

I put my hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear,"I feel the devil is not a devil but rather a faint-hearted young man, a self-asserted lover, who concealed his truth from the dancing girl whom he loved the most. And the girl on the other hand, is so lost in the dance of ambitions that she doesn't see the love in the devil's eyes. Both are piteous." I stepped out of the room.

--Amit Kumar